The Horrors - Primary Colors (2009)

FINALLY. This album has been in the making for how long? Anyway, it's a lot calmer than their EP and Strange House, but overall I liked it a lot, possibly even more than Strange House. Excellent, solid album, by a very matured The Horrors. Album is set to release in May.

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?mjmwymzy2tj

Indian Ink

Listening to Meanwhile, Back in Communist Russia for the first time was similar to my first experience with ecstasy. But - similar to ecstasy, I wanted to try something more, something different.

I've found the next pill.



Meanwhile, Back in Communist Russia - Indian Ink

Heroin is actually cool.

Recently another poster on this site explained the merits and hurdles of a cocaine habit. The conclusion being that if you didn't give a shit, wernt a fucking pussy and didn't hate everybody you would do well to pick up the habit. As a true altbro, I decided to look into this, and came upon this graph, which mind you, has not been doctored in any way whatsoever.



















As is clearly illustrated, cocaine only slightly more alt then smoking, yet considerably more harmful (the "not giving a fuck" doctrine, however, eliminates the need for an X axis, so if this is you, take only the Y axis into account). By a hefty sum, both the altest and most harmful is heroin. Sick. establishing a rivalry between the two would be pointless, but just as a point of reference, lets look at a textbook heroin user:

FUCKING SIIIICK. You KNOW you want to look like that. Ratty assed chucks that just spew the trademarked "I don't actually care, you idiot" mentality that in the end, really, defines any worthwhile human. And as Alter boy often observes "it's always been cool for heroin addicts to wear tight pants." What does that tell you? Also if you have Albert Camus' The Stranger memorized like you should, you would know that how and when you die means nothing to the vast indifference of the universe, so you might as well do it with style. This is a typical abstainer of heroin use:




And look how he's dressed. Your choice internet, Mark Renton, or a flaming monk. It's a binery, A or B, don't try and deconstruct this Amberle.

Girls who turn their head for pictures Vol. 2

Jesus Christ, IMfuckingO.

Psychology

At a kegger Saturday night. Saw some old acquaintances, people I didn't need to see, you know? A lot of noise. Not enough smoke.

Found out the keg was PBR and my mind was changed.

Had a great night.

Stylistically,
Brackett

What is punk?

The Following Bands Are Not

Punk

Don't Argue, We're Right And You Never Are

Blanks 77, Stitches, Boris The Sprinkler, Queers, Screeching Weasel, Business, Grimple, Pennywise, Snotboy 77, Weston, Swinging Utters, Schleprock, Humpers, Smugglers, Groovie Ghoulies, 88 Fingers Louie, Doom, Destroy, Digger, Destroy 13, Earth Crisis, Green Rage, Bollweevils, Parasites, Das Klown, Zoinks!, Freeze, Battalion of the Saints, Slaughter & the Dogs, Beatnik Termites, Pink Lincolns, NOFX, Snuff, Roswells, Voodoo Glow Skulls, Sloppy Seconds, Citizen Fish, Rancid, Riverdales, Invalids, Furious George, Jughead's Revenge, Pist, Squirtgun, Poison Idea, U.S. Bombs, Dread, Civ, Vindictives, Apocalypse Hoboken, Zeros, Civil Disobediance, Quincy Punx, Teengenerate, Disel Boy, Spazz, Snapcase, Endpoint, Showcase Showdown, Chelsea, Casulties, Crucifux, Hi Fives, Sicko, Sinkhole, Ten Foot Pole, Deface, Spent Idols, Lagwagon, Scared of Chacka, Less Than Jake, Any old punk band that has reformed and/or toured recently, Whitecaps, Gus, GBH (charged or otherwise), Sex Offenders, Good Riddence, Wizo, Moral Crux, Charles Bronson, Assrash, Statistics, DFL, FOL, SNFU, RKL, FYP, Steve McQueens, Strung Out, Whatever, Nimrods, CandySnatchers, Aus Rotton, Slacker, Scoooby Don't, Youth Brigade, Teen Idols, Suckerpunch, Phantom Surfers, Scuz Monkey, Snotrockets, Down By Law, Aggrivators, Dead Silence, Integrity, Schlong, Bouncing Souls, High Standard, Bracket, Horace Pinker, Agnostic Front, Fear, Varukers, Pansy Division, Ringworm, Infest, Man Is the Bastard AKA Charred Remains, Rudimentary Peni, Screw 32, UK Subs, Chaos UK, Total Chaos, UK DK, Submachine, Goops, Guttermouth, Gits, Face to Face, No Use For A Name, Tiltweel, Sludgeworth, Black Fork, Anti Flag, Germs, Skrewdriver, Muffs, SOA, SDD, Gorilla Biscuts, TSOL, Drop Dead, AFI, Youth of Today, Halfmast, Strife, Strike, Sidekick Kato, Blitz, One Life Crew, Bleed, Toast, Mankind?, Torn Apart, Confront, Mandingo, Droids, TKO's, Adolescents, Exploited, Lifetime, Naked Aggression, Thug, John Couger Concentration Camp, Krupted Peasent Farmers, After School Special, Tilt, 108, Action Patrol, Badger, Avail, Ascension, Assfactor 4, Mass Kontrol, Bloodlet, Crumbs, Boywonder, Wynonnia Riders, Adicts, Chisel, Connie Dungs, dead silence, Slug Feast, Econo Christ, DownCast, Doghnuts, Doc Hopper, Judge, Excuse 17, I Spy, Heroine, Face Value, XsteadfastX, The Peechees, The Makers, Lynards Innards, Chain of Strenth, Choke Hold, Sam I Am, Shelter, The Gain, Prema, The Pathetics, Split Lip, Statistics, The Motards, Polics Bastard, warzone, Dag Nasty, Nothing But Puke, The Screamers, The Victims, Head, Gun-n-wankers, Spit Boy, The Socials, Social Resistance, Slip, All Day, The Chubbies, Falling Sickness, The Gargoyles, Mustard Plug, The Fanatics, Misery, Slap Shot, D.I., the Vandals, Sick of It All, Gas Huffer, The Fumes, The Ricketts, The Vibrators, Ice Burn, Buzz Oven, The Oblivions, Jack-o-Fire, Seven Year Bitch, Tit Wrenc , Catharthis, Gomez, The Tards, The Neighbors, Larry Brrrds, The Red Ants, Guilt, The Dils, Fabric, The Mormons, A.P.P.L.E.S., The Victims of the System, Victem's Family, Forlorn, Dryfus, Clawhammer, Blindfold, Deisel Queens, Siren, PinHead Gunpowder, Man Or Astroman?, Slant 6, Filth.

IF YOUR BAND IS ON THIS THIS LIST, BREAK UP, YOU SUCK

Cocaine: Is it for you?

Cocaine is an iffy topic. Some people are against it, others are fine with it, and a select few are obsessed. In the end, though, cocaine undoubtedly makes you twice as hip and disgustingly alt, no matter who you are (sXe bros excluded). So, you ask, why doesn't everyone do it? Well, there are several things that veer people off the crystal path that is a cocaine habbit- making cocaine not for them. So, is cocaine for you?

1) Do you care?

This is the first question that needs to be asked before doing cocaine. You may know that cocaine is illegal, and not necessarily healthy, but do you give a shit?

2) Are you a fucking pussy?

Cocaine gives off an alt, rule breaking, elitest, and better-than-you persona. If you are a fucking pussy, this can never be achieved, and thus doing cocaine will benefit you nigh.

3) Do you hate everybody?

Although a majority of this world are plebians, not everyone on this earth is a peasant. Cocaine will rile up your social senses and make you want to converse. If you go in nose first with a goth-fag persona not wanting to talk to anyone, you'll find yourself trapped in a shell that is trying to suffocate your life- but if you latch on to the nearest hipster for a conversation, life is going to be fucking exciting.

Did you answer No to all of these questions? If so, Cocaine is definitely for you! Congrats!

Existentialism is the Ultimatum,
Brackett.

Second altest Bible verse

The altest Bible verse

Girls who turn their head for pictures Vol. 1

There is a strange phenomena, that is girls who tilt their head in every picture.

*deep breath*

Part I

PS yes I do realize this is a huge invasion of privacy, but I'm too fucking alt to give a FACK

Alt band is Alt

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpiVRQgf0g4&feature=player_embedded


Sweedish Noise-rock. She`s paid to fuck you.

The Ergs! - Dorkrockcorkrod

Well they're geeks. And they make pop-punk music. About stuff. The AltestBro kinda dug, y'erd?

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?jiz1ykwwydy

AltestBro the last surviving dolphin

Street Meat

I was walking down the streets of The Big City, Canada, when I came across the altest hot dog vendor in existence. Blaring from his stand was an Oberst track I have only heard once before (drinking with Fiest usually unlocks some secrets) and his cigarettes were clearly from the deep east. Approaching him, he noticed that I was an Altbro he could confide in. He began to tell me a story:



I haven't been touched in a deep emotional way such as this since I first touched base with acousticore. I was awestruck. I didn't buy anything and left, later finding that the ALTVendor killed himself shortly after our meeting.

Huzzah,
Brackett

Trap Them - Seizures In Barren Praise

I'm so alt.

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?rlljmtwmmny

AltestBro the god of the sky

WE NEED TO KILL ALL OF THESE

“River dolphins are now facing extinction due to habitat loss, hunting by humans, and naturally low numbers.”




Fucking GOOD, look at those idiots. Nobody of any worth doesn’t hate them; they’re the hoobastank of the animal world. Not only are these idiots PINK and SLIMY, they also don’t really have eyes, well they do but skin grows over them and they can’t see with them. Also they kill fish by shooting sound at them and stunning them, and then catching them with that tumor they call a face. In a traditional Amazon River myth FACT, at night an Amazon River Dolphin becomes a handsome young man who seduces girls, impregnates them, then returns to the river in the morning to become an Amazon River Dolphin again. WE NEED TO STOP THIS.





SAVE YOURSELF FROM THE DOLPHIN THREAT
*dramatization

TIIIMMMBBBEERRRRR - Demo

Weed.

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?ghwomjkgzyy

altestbro the cool

Charles Bronson - Everything

Heres everything by powerviolance aficionados Charles Bronson. X the fuck up.

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=8baf4b1749fb23f7c79b87b207592a1ce04e75f6e8ebb871

1000 Travels Of Jawaharlal - Owari Wa Konai

Provide me with the mush.

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?nlotyimzztd

altestbro idiot

Adonis Battlefield - 7"

Maaaaweeeeee...

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?k2uiolwj2mk

altestbro i don't care

Kickball - ABCDEFGHIJKickball

I am the Pope.

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?mmzny5niict

altestbro

please inform the captain this is a hijack - s/t

Hipsters.

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?hnzdik3owty

altestbro

Meanwhile, Back In Communist Russia - My Elixir; My Poison

Fuck off. Do you know how god damn long this took to upload? Gee willikers...

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?tzjhj3m0nky

asltestbro

I Wrote Haikus About Cannablism In Your Yearbook - 8 Song Demo

Fuck off.

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?jmijgzyywni

altestbro

Socrates View of the World of the Dialectic, and how Socrates made friends.

The interior angles of a triangle always add up to 180º.

YOU WANT PROOF?

Well, here's proof.

Call me.

The Ladies - They Mean Us

Imagine that cover art recreated sonically.
Here is a simple mathimatical formula for the band:
Altness of singer/guitarist/songwriter + Skill of drummer= worth of band
A+B=Y
A=Rob Crow (of Thingy, Pinback, Heavy Vegitable, etc.)+B
Alt as fuck+Zach Hill > Every other drummer= Y
Y= http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=8baf4b1749fb23f7c79b87b207592a1ce04e75f6e8ebb871

Bridging Alternatives

Alter Bridge, featuring former guitarist of Creed, fucking RAWKS! (that's "rocks" for those who do not know Altspeak).

Though not as Alt as Altest Bridge, they were in fact the second Alt band to bridge.  The first being Alt Bridge.

The bridges featured in Alter Bridge's songs are far more alt than Alt Bridge's bridges, but also less alt than the bridges of Altest Bridge, which happen to be really fucking alt bridges unlike Alt Bridge's and Alter Bridge's bridges.

Limewire this shit.

HOW FORTUNATE

A video speaks 4 words: "WHAT A FUCKING _ _ _ _ _ _ !"

http://www.trutv.com/video/most-shocking/worst-burglar-ever.html#link=truTVshlk

Alt styles in Iran

After traveling all of the altest middle America, I decided to go to the next altest country in the world. Iran, land of the hipsters. It wasn't long before I realized how out classed I truely was. After an important indie figure in central Iran demeaned Obama for a couple hours, he began to dance fiercly to some hip Iranian indie. I quickly picked up the demo he was so vehemently romping to, the got the fuck out of there. I'm never going back.


You can find the track I was exposed to in my short time down there HERE.

Hate the weak,
Brackett

This Minute's Thought: Image cutting

FUCK

Today's Thought: I'm not buying any more clothes

Due to my recent obsession with my car, I will no longer be spending money on useless expensive clothes.

As an alternative I will be spending $600 on wheels, $900 on a trunk lid, and probably $2000 on tires, and $2000 an exhaust + installation... in order to make my car into this car:

status of things

IM GAY LOL

yo thats ironic man good job

how hipsters converse

good band down load

Mediafire Upload

The Mae Shi - Hllyh

Stop being stupid and listen to this band
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=G8E4F3J4

Sometimes you just have to ask yourself...

What's more important?  The bread, or the butter?

Peace and Blessed be,

Alter Boi

Do you ever feel like you're looking into a mirror upon examining fine art?

Was examining some early neanderthal paintings today, specifically Pieter Bruegel's.

Was hit with a very serious and life-changing thought.

It all happened upon viewing Bruegel's "Landscape with the Fall of Icarus"

Started to feel like I could relate. Like I was lookin at the world thru Icarus' eyes. Bit of an existential crisis there. Started to feel as if my life was meaningless.

Poor Lil Icarus there drownin.

Nobody even bats an eye.. a true ode to the cruel indifference of humanity. Bet you guys can't even find Icarus in the painting. None of you care about the suffering of your brothers. Shame on you suburbanites.

Goin through a mental crisis here... need help asap.

Beginning to feel as if Icarus is the only one who I can relate to anymore in the world
Maybe I should start setting my goals lower

Being less ambitious.

I don't wanna fly too close to the sun.

The White Octave - Style No. 6312

Steve Pedersen of Cursive/Criteria. Awesome "indielol" band. Just basically has that Saddle Creek sound to it.

Tracks:

1. "Appeals for Insertion" - (3:08)
2. "Crashing the Clarion" - (2:25)
3. "Devise Executes" - (3:46)
4. "Etc." - (0:57)
5. "Call the Kiss" - (4:54)
6. "Piss and Vinegar" - (2:29)
7. "Adult Entertainment" - (2:29)
8. "Crossing the Rubicon" - (3:34)
9. "No Resolution Theory" - (3:59)
10. "This is Not a Subsistence Existence" - (0:48)
11. "South" - (3:08)
12. "Guts and Black Stuff" - (1:55)
13. "Style No. 6312" - (5:54)

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?titmjzxjgmz

Hyrax review

This is the first instalment of Chainsawgirl22’s animal reviews, and in true altbro spirit, only the most obscure and artisticly genuine of animals will do.



Believe it or fucking not, that retard/guinea pig pictured above is actually one of the closest living relatives to the elephant. Those teeth you can see? Those are the equivalent of tusks. And their molars are reminiscent of that of elephants as well. Hyraxes live in herds of up to 80 individuals. These herds are subdivided into smaller flocks consisting of a few families and headed by an adult male (the way god intended). Hyraxes spend most of their time resting in large huddles or basking alone Xing the fuck up. They’re actually all over Africa, as can be seen here:

The best part? They have naturally evolved suction cups on there feet. The soles of there feet are these fleshy pads, kept moist with sweat. They can control the concavity of these pads with complex musculature on each foot. If this is true, then would it be out of the question to assume that ELEPHANTS HAVE THIS TOO. Look how flat there feet are, they could easily have suction cups on those honkers. Elephants may indeed have the ability to scale walls, like a gecko.




Now, how can we unlock this power? In the inevitable twilight of technology we’re going to face, elephants will once again be pivotal in warfare. Knowing how to scale castle walls with them could, and will, prove useful. We should start research now.

This Town Needs Guns - Animals

Awesome math-rock band, Wes I hope you have a boner for this one.

Tracklist:

1. Chinchilla
2. Baboon
3. Lemur
4. Badger
5. Quetzal
6. Panda
7. Elk
8. Pig
9. Gibbon
10. Dog
11. Crocodile
12. Rabbit
13. Zebra

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?gzddvinolmj

The most alternative friendly season?

Saw the Spring celebration Google logo today.

Not too impressed.

Got me thinking though, what could the most alternative season be?

Winter lets you layer the most individualistic, statement-making clothing

Yet the warm breeze of summer allows for tattoo and chest-hair exposure via deep V-neck.

Not sure what to think about all the pros and cons.
Maybe spring provides a healthy median?

Starting to rly look forward to this first day or spring.

Going to go put my individuality on display via wardrobe.

Buy a 6-pack of you-know-who and get back to remastering Joy Division's Peel Sessions
See you guys. Good luck in this spring, may it break the shackles of suburban oppression.

Love you all.

Fear

I'm sick of all these people crying about the economy. If you are so afraid, just get a cooler job and try bringing in 700k a year. Stop worrying about the so-called "poor people". Lets just get together in a civilized manner, and move on. You know?


Blood for Oil,
Brackett

Teenage Cool Kids

Live In Your House!

Teenage Col Kids are an indie band. That sentence tells you enough. You just KNOW that these guys spent all of there time dirking PBR, 40’s, smoking spirits and being in long distance relationships with girls who write for punk zines. You just KNOW. And judging by the bands last fm account for what is listened to on road trips (alt trips), they mostly ear-peep the likes of powerviolence legends, the capitalist casualties, as well as twee pop legends Tullycraft. But they sound like Built to Spill and Pavement for people too alt for Built to Spill and Pavement. Well, maybe not pavement. This is their first demo.

http://www.mediafire.com/?sharekey=8baf4b1749fb23f7c79b87b207592a1ce04e75f6e8ebb871

ShoutBox + Our ads.

Alright so I added a shoutbox, abuse it all you want. Also, ANTON, GOOGLE KNOWS ABOUT YOU!! "CURE FOR NARCISSISM" "LIVING WITH A NARCISSIST?"

Something That Aches, Relieved.

When you smoke as much as I do, you meet people.

The other day (Time... it isn't for me) I was reaching in the pocket of my old pea coat for my Russian Styles and matches outside the bank with a look of clear anxiety on my face.

I've been feeling out of place with music, lacking in some form. Able only to listen to the same cassettes over and over. It was the first time I had gone outside my place without a source for music in years. These harrowing thoughts were preoccupying my mind entirely.

I was fucked.

As I struck a match from the standard Osiris Bar match box, I hear a vaguely familiar voice approaching me, asking for a smoke. I looked up to see Karasawa, an Indie Obsession in Tokyo.

After supplying the man with an R.Styles and a match, he began to tell me about his new project, Cosmic Airplane. "The painful Japanese poetry a naive vocal develops in the indie melody line I feel like humming unconsciously. A space-like synthesizer lends gaiety to a twin guitar and a female chorus, and a powerful drum fascinates the manly spirit. The neo-sensualism indie band coming into action centering on Shimo-kitazawa in Tokyo" he muttered in broken English.



Suddenly it was clear. My lust for exploration within the sensitive world of music could easily be satisfied with Karasawa's debonair project.

He provided me with a cassette, and the track, although hastily recorded, is fucking brilliant. I highly suggest a listen.

I've uploaded it here.

War never changes,
Brackett

And may I present... "Dfat" Kawtiash

So, what does it take to truly be an AltBro? This question has plagued the western world for a few months now, and it really boils down to those who "have" it and those you don't "have" it. To quote one of the most recent and famous AltBros, "Dfat" Kawtiash, "One does not simply ALT into Mordor!"

Above is Dfat himself, in all his AltBro glory. It takes a certain kind of SWAGGER and a certain mind set to pull off AltBro, and I took the time to sit down with Dfat himself to get to the bottom of it.

AltestBro: Hello, Dfat.
Dfat: Hey man...
AltestBro: So, tell me, do you associate yourself with the AltBro label?
Dfat: Naw mayne, that shits weak. Next question I gotta be somewhere, man.
AltestBro: Ah, okay. Hold on as I find some of the more important questions... Oh, here we go. How far would a true AltBro go with the elusive Hyrax?
Dfat: Man like, hand down shirt but thats it, I gotta keep up appearances, nawmeen.
AltestBro: N- Yeah I guess. Well, HEY COME BACK HERE WITH MY POKEMON.

AltestBro here, I should have known this would happen. Dfat is quoted to have said "eating all your pokemons muahahahahaha" is one of his favorite hobbies. Oh well, until I catch him next time coming from a wood chopping competition or something, we'll never know what his secrets really are.

Peace from da east
-AltestBro

Dear Blog, How many Hail Marys?

Blog,

I have a serious confession to make to you tonight.

Today I stole a necklace from a prominent retail store.

Not sure what to do about this.

Feeling really bad about myself.
Not sure if I can deal with the burdon of guilt.

Thinking about attending church every Saturday until my kids get married.

Will my sins be forgiven then?

Just wanna say my Hail Marys and be over with it.

If only passage into

Heaven

Was so simple.

What should I do? Just want to be forgiven for my sins. Love my fellow man. Please help.

Second Story Window - S/T LP

Yeah this band doesn't even... have a picture. "Emo" band from 93-95. Pretty good AYOO.

Tracks:

1. Big eyed blue
2. New york loop
3. 86 submunitions
4. unfinished
5. hypothalemus
6. circus act
7. targeting precision
8. executive realignment
9. sophisticated engineering

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?yznuynohnnk

Impaled Northern Moonforest - S/T

So yeah, just thought I'd post an album that speaks to me real quick. An acoustic black metal duo with some serious talent and a knack for making the crowd cry during live performances.

Tracklist :
"Grim And Frostbitten Moongoats Of The North"
"Forlorned Invocations Of Blasphemous Congregations Of Lusting Goat Sodomizing Sathanis"
"Gazing At The Blasphemous Moon While Perched Atop A Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Forsaken Crest Of The Northern Mountain"
"Bloodlustfully Praising Satan's Unholy Almightiness In The Woods At Midnight"
"Nocturnal Cauldrons Aflame Amidst The Northern Hellwitch's Perpetual Blasphemy"
"Transfixing The Forbidden Blasphemous Incantation Of The Conjuring Wintergoat"
"Masturbating On The Unholy Inverted Tracks Of The Grim & Frostbitten Necrobobsledders"
"Awaiting The Blasphemous Abomination Of The Necroyeti While Sailing On The Northernmost Fjord Of Xzfgiiizmtsath"
"Lustfully Worshipping The Inverted Moongoat While Skiing Down The Inverted Necromountain Of Necrodeathmortum"
"Awaiting The Frozen Blasphemy Of The Necroyeti's Lusting Necrobation Upon The Altar Of Voxrfszzzisnzf"
"Summoning The Unholy Frozen Winterdemons To The Grimmest And Most Frostbitten Inverted Forest Of Abazagorath"
"Entranced By The Northern Impaled Necrowizard's Blasphemous Incantation Amidst The Agonizing Abomination Of The Lusting Necrocorpse"
"Grim And Frostbitten Gay Bar"

http://www.mediafire.com/download.php?mxqf0j2mouk

What happened?

The following is the Google Trends result for searches in “Anal fisting”.



What the fuck happened in 2006? I set out to learn more, and found that Wikipedia had this wisdom to offer:

Fisting is a sexual activity that involves inserting a hand into the vagina or rectum. Typically, fisting does not involve forcing the clenched fist into the vagina or rectum. Instead, all five fingers are kept straight and held as close together as possible (forming a beak-like shape, casually referred to as a "silent duck"), then slowly inserted into a well-lubricated vagina or rectum. Once insertion is complete, the fingers either naturally clench into a fist or remain straight. In more vigorous forms of fisting, such as "punching," a fully clenched fist may be inserted and withdrawn slowly. Fistees who are more experienced may take two fists (double-fisting) in the vagina or rectum. In the case of double-fisting, pleasure is derived more from the stretching of the anus or vaginal wall rather than from the thrusting (in-and-out) movement of hands.

Fisting has been performed on (and by) both men and women; gay, straight and otherwise. While fisting remains unexplored by many people, the ones who do have developed three main techniques: Silent Duck, Double Fist/Side Prayer, and the My Hand In Your Pockets.[citation needed] (aka, fuck you guy who wrote this)

The Silent Duck is the technique most often used, where the person engaging in hand insertion makes a beak-like shape with their hand resembling a duck. Double Fist/Side Prayer is a very advanced technique which only few are capable of achieving. The person engaging in hand insertion (the fister) places their hands palm to palm forming a position similar to one used when praying. Handler then turns theirs parallel to the floor, pointing fingers towards subject's vagina or anus.



But the question remains, what happened in 2006?

New Stop Sign at Spruce & Belvenia

"Nothing can stop me now, cause I don't care anymore," said Trent Reznor before he realized a new stop sign was added to Spruce Avenue at Belvenia. "I stopped at Shoreacres thinking I wouldn't need to stop again 'til Strathcona, boy was I surprised!" he said later in an interview with the Halton Regional Police.

Reznor was subsequently imprisoned for supposedly calling the officers "fucking pigs", and telling them to "march" when they refused to let him off with a warning.

Reasons for living

Nail biting theories

http://english.pravda.ru/society/stories/17-03-2009/107250-nail_biting-0

Why do people bite their nails? Research conducted in France says it's due to work related stress, or when people are forced to make decisions. But clearly the right answer lies in the fourth paragraph. "Another theory says that that the desire to bite nails is an analogue of masturbation." For the AltestBro, this is clearly the cause. The article goes on to say that nail biting is more publically accepted than masturbation, but in true Alt fashion, i'm going to prove them wrong.

From now on, every time I get the urge to bite my nails in public, I'm just going to whip it out and start yankin' on Thomas. Yeah, so, I named my dick Thomas. Like you haven't named your dick Thomas at some point in your life.

So you heard it here first, when the "NO TO NAILS, YES TO YANKIN' THOMAS" phenomenon comes to your city, you can blame that shit on the AltestBro.

Lumen - "The Man Felt An Iron Hand..."

The band is Lumen, and the full title of the album is "The Man Felt An Iron Hand Grasp Him By The Hair, At The Nape. Not One Hand, A Hundred Hands Seized Him, Each By The Hair, And Tore Him Head To Foot, The Way You Tear Up A Sheet Of Paper, Into Hundreds Of Little Pieces." No, really. The tracks are named simply by roman numerals. Instrumental math-folk at its very best. III is a highlight.

TRACK LISTING
1. I
2. II
3. III
4. IV
5. V
6. VI
7. VII
8. VIII

http://www.mediafire.com/?rdodoyjzjxt

Blogging: Some common misconceptions

Do you ever feel like your only whole when your on the blog ( as a verb not a noun)?
You know like when your not in, you're just meat flesh?
I mean, I can blog about almost anywhere, on the blog I'm the real me, and only then.

When I'm not im just a nobody, some lil alt kiddie who likes to think he's avant garde and can make some sort of difference, meaningfully or media-ingfully. You know?
I'm sure you do, you always get me.

Well what can I say its been a pretty pomo day, what with not sleeping and these kinda realizations surrounding me. Well its time for some sleep goodnite sweet blog.

Xblg.lyf3

Ever feel like a clone of your entire social circle?

Was checking myself out in the mirror extensively today

Came to a very important realization

I look the same as all my friends

Gone so far out of my way to stand out and be seen as an individual
That it just got out of hand
Starting to enter a phase of self-loathing
Possibly getting over my previously diagnosed condition of NPD (here)

Not sure what to do about this
Feeling worthless and lost
Wishing my girlfriend dressed like this so we might possibly stand out and be recognized as a unique+artistic+cultured couple
sigh

Study concludes no one actually likes Foo Fighters

CAMBRIDGE, MA--A recent study by Harvard University MBA students concludes that no one actually likes the Foo Fighters.  Three hours of polling just outside of the University's central courtyard brought in tens of opinions on the "not-so-dopeboy-fresh" band.

Students reported the results during ultimate frisbee practice and shocked many, including faculty members.  Harvard anthropologist Anton Tchetchel says, "I'm nutting everywhere!"  Clearly the results came as a surprise.

A little bit of Cali, a lot of feeling.

Although it's never in my best interest to visit Cali, I decided to stop by while I was nearby in New Mexico. Right before I got into town, thinking about where I'm going to stay, I get a long, drawn out invite via text from old friends Jake and Sara of Mevansa.



They aren't necessarily fun people, but I like their company because Tim killed himself to one of the songs on their demo, and we can all really relate about it. Staying with them for a weekend was so beyond any experiences I've had in Cali prior to this that I would call it magical. We made wicked sound as a threesome, freestyling tracks better than anything they've recorded. If you haven't already, check out their demo- it will never be as good as the unreleased stuff I've helped the two of them master, but the tracks they have available are sure to fill you.

They Say This Is The Place

Ecrazes L'infame,
Brackett

Books By the Foot

Finally! I can order Literature based on, yes, how pretentious it will make me look!

Lets see my options.

Antique Leather
$400.00 per foot
Beautiful antique leather books with gold tooling, mostly 19th Century books in good condition. Your library of fine antique leather books can be customized by language or color for a higher price.

Foreign Language Antique Leather
$300.00 per foot
The same beautiful antique leather books as above with books mostly in French, Spanish, and German.

Victorian Era Books
$250.00 per foot
Colorful clothbound titles representing a wide range of subjects popular during the late 19th century.

Amazing.

Contact Jenny McKibben 212.660.6646 bksbythefoot@strandbooks.com, for your own custom library!

Consumerism

Ever feel like you guys are victims of consumerism?

Today I bought a Coca-Cola product and the cashier looked at me like I was an asshole.

I felt guilty about being a victim of advertising.

So much that I didn't know what to do to recoil about it.

I just don't want to be like everyone else in the world

I needed a sugary drink that was carbonated but I didn't want it to go this far.
Please forgive me.

I am not a sheep in the herd of advertising.

I usually buy RC.

Am I still allowed in heaven?

No fidelity

It’s and age old secret of esoteric knowledge that the more mysterious, poorly recorded, melancholy, relatively obscure and surreal an album is, the better it is.

Objectively.

So delete that Matthew Good album you have, faggot. And download Iran’s The Moon Boys. They definitely have all of the above criteria down; the lyrics, when briefly breaching coherence, tell us stories about hating your lover(altest relationship), fading from existence (the altest way to go), and everything else you deal with on a day to day basis. The music itself is the time-tested formula of loud-quiet-loud, the quiet being downtrodden folk ballads, and the loud being dissonant noise experimentation. We don’t know anything about them other then that there are three of them (three, the altest number), they hail form San Francisco (4th altest town), and two of them may or may not look like this:

Look at those fucking beards(2nd altest faceal hair). That should be enough, really. Fading out is definitely a highlight.

Iran - The Moon Boys
1. Tee Hee
2. Four Armed Star
3. Locked Up Right
4. Black Eye I
5. Fading Out
6. Butterfly Knife
7. We Could Go Away for a While
8. Wuthering Heights
9. Black Eye II
10. Pretty Rows
11. The Moon Shines Bright
12. Long Time Now

http://www.mediafire.com/?fnehmmwzm2y