Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Friday, April 24, 2009

I'm White and Go To a Suburban College

Sup Bros?

Hows it hanging, i know theres some sad faces with the school year coming to and end ( AT LEAST FOR US COLLEGE KIDS!) but im getting super stoked for a completely SICK summer. Gunna get my tan on, do some camping, spend alot of time with my new bros up in muskoka! Fresh man year has been the BEST YEAR OF mY LIFE! So many g00d TIMES and IM HOPING FOR SO MANY MORE DRUNK NIGHTS AND HOUSE PARTIES! HIT THAT BONG YOOOOO!

Man this has been such a great year got drunk uncountable times, was pretty much perma high LOL, and banged SOOOOO MANY BROADS! and just had some real chill times.

I feel ive really come into myself this year you know. Reinventing myself, discovering things i never knew i was capable of (LIKE SHOTGUNNING 5 TALLBOYS IN 10 MINUTES AND HITTING SOME GNAR WAKES ON MY BOARD!) you know ive really learned alot in my freshman year, AND NOT FROM NO SNOTTY PROFFESORS. I learned how to roll perfect joints, how not to choke on ur puke in ur sleep, how to ensure a perfect win in flip cup, and most importantly how to get a chick to take her top off. some real life lessons, and i wud nvr have had them had i not come to college!

Its been a hella tight year with new and old bros, and as the infamous asher roth would say

" Time isn't wasted when your getting wasted,
Man I love COLLEGE!"

Monday, April 6, 2009

Hipster Pandora

(Plebeian's view of hipster culture)

I've been called a hipster^.

As a true hipster, should I be enraged by this?

Normally that is the standard- but a paradox is presented.

As a hipster, I'm indifferent towards everything. So how could I possibly be enraged by being called a hipster? Shouldn't I just, you know, not care?

I don't know.

This world confuses me.

Pain and Suffering,

Public Drug Use

Takes your high to a whole new fucking level;

Cocaine at your parents.

Ecstasy at school.

A couple shots of liquor before the theater.

Enough cannabis smoke to kill a whore before a production.

I'm on a whole new level. My life is changing for the better. I know understand what it means to truly be alt.

Thanks for the memories,

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

count the times, count the times, count the times, count the times, count the times

Feeling down due to recent events here at PBJ? Questioning what the point of it all is anymore? Well Justin Trosper feels the same way, only worse, way worse, faggot. So bad he learned how to play guitar just so he could tell you about it in a more authentic way. Shut up and do the same thing. Here's Unwound's 1991 demo tape, as well as their self titled first album. Oh how they've grown.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Horrors - Primary Colors (2009)

FINALLY. This album has been in the making for how long? Anyway, it's a lot calmer than their EP and Strange House, but overall I liked it a lot, possibly even more than Strange House. Excellent, solid album, by a very matured The Horrors. Album is set to release in May.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Indian Ink

Listening to Meanwhile, Back in Communist Russia for the first time was similar to my first experience with ecstasy. But - similar to ecstasy, I wanted to try something more, something different.

I've found the next pill.

Meanwhile, Back in Communist Russia - Indian Ink

Heroin is actually cool.

Recently another poster on this site explained the merits and hurdles of a cocaine habit. The conclusion being that if you didn't give a shit, wernt a fucking pussy and didn't hate everybody you would do well to pick up the habit. As a true altbro, I decided to look into this, and came upon this graph, which mind you, has not been doctored in any way whatsoever.

As is clearly illustrated, cocaine only slightly more alt then smoking, yet considerably more harmful (the "not giving a fuck" doctrine, however, eliminates the need for an X axis, so if this is you, take only the Y axis into account). By a hefty sum, both the altest and most harmful is heroin. Sick. establishing a rivalry between the two would be pointless, but just as a point of reference, lets look at a textbook heroin user:

FUCKING SIIIICK. You KNOW you want to look like that. Ratty assed chucks that just spew the trademarked "I don't actually care, you idiot" mentality that in the end, really, defines any worthwhile human. And as Alter boy often observes "it's always been cool for heroin addicts to wear tight pants." What does that tell you? Also if you have Albert Camus' The Stranger memorized like you should, you would know that how and when you die means nothing to the vast indifference of the universe, so you might as well do it with style. This is a typical abstainer of heroin use:

And look how he's dressed. Your choice internet, Mark Renton, or a flaming monk. It's a binery, A or B, don't try and deconstruct this Amberle.

Girls who turn their head for pictures Vol. 2

Jesus Christ, IMfuckingO.


At a kegger Saturday night. Saw some old acquaintances, people I didn't need to see, you know? A lot of noise. Not enough smoke.

Found out the keg was PBR and my mind was changed.

Had a great night.


What is punk?

The Following Bands Are Not


Don't Argue, We're Right And You Never Are

Blanks 77, Stitches, Boris The Sprinkler, Queers, Screeching Weasel, Business, Grimple, Pennywise, Snotboy 77, Weston, Swinging Utters, Schleprock, Humpers, Smugglers, Groovie Ghoulies, 88 Fingers Louie, Doom, Destroy, Digger, Destroy 13, Earth Crisis, Green Rage, Bollweevils, Parasites, Das Klown, Zoinks!, Freeze, Battalion of the Saints, Slaughter & the Dogs, Beatnik Termites, Pink Lincolns, NOFX, Snuff, Roswells, Voodoo Glow Skulls, Sloppy Seconds, Citizen Fish, Rancid, Riverdales, Invalids, Furious George, Jughead's Revenge, Pist, Squirtgun, Poison Idea, U.S. Bombs, Dread, Civ, Vindictives, Apocalypse Hoboken, Zeros, Civil Disobediance, Quincy Punx, Teengenerate, Disel Boy, Spazz, Snapcase, Endpoint, Showcase Showdown, Chelsea, Casulties, Crucifux, Hi Fives, Sicko, Sinkhole, Ten Foot Pole, Deface, Spent Idols, Lagwagon, Scared of Chacka, Less Than Jake, Any old punk band that has reformed and/or toured recently, Whitecaps, Gus, GBH (charged or otherwise), Sex Offenders, Good Riddence, Wizo, Moral Crux, Charles Bronson, Assrash, Statistics, DFL, FOL, SNFU, RKL, FYP, Steve McQueens, Strung Out, Whatever, Nimrods, CandySnatchers, Aus Rotton, Slacker, Scoooby Don't, Youth Brigade, Teen Idols, Suckerpunch, Phantom Surfers, Scuz Monkey, Snotrockets, Down By Law, Aggrivators, Dead Silence, Integrity, Schlong, Bouncing Souls, High Standard, Bracket, Horace Pinker, Agnostic Front, Fear, Varukers, Pansy Division, Ringworm, Infest, Man Is the Bastard AKA Charred Remains, Rudimentary Peni, Screw 32, UK Subs, Chaos UK, Total Chaos, UK DK, Submachine, Goops, Guttermouth, Gits, Face to Face, No Use For A Name, Tiltweel, Sludgeworth, Black Fork, Anti Flag, Germs, Skrewdriver, Muffs, SOA, SDD, Gorilla Biscuts, TSOL, Drop Dead, AFI, Youth of Today, Halfmast, Strife, Strike, Sidekick Kato, Blitz, One Life Crew, Bleed, Toast, Mankind?, Torn Apart, Confront, Mandingo, Droids, TKO's, Adolescents, Exploited, Lifetime, Naked Aggression, Thug, John Couger Concentration Camp, Krupted Peasent Farmers, After School Special, Tilt, 108, Action Patrol, Badger, Avail, Ascension, Assfactor 4, Mass Kontrol, Bloodlet, Crumbs, Boywonder, Wynonnia Riders, Adicts, Chisel, Connie Dungs, dead silence, Slug Feast, Econo Christ, DownCast, Doghnuts, Doc Hopper, Judge, Excuse 17, I Spy, Heroine, Face Value, XsteadfastX, The Peechees, The Makers, Lynards Innards, Chain of Strenth, Choke Hold, Sam I Am, Shelter, The Gain, Prema, The Pathetics, Split Lip, Statistics, The Motards, Polics Bastard, warzone, Dag Nasty, Nothing But Puke, The Screamers, The Victims, Head, Gun-n-wankers, Spit Boy, The Socials, Social Resistance, Slip, All Day, The Chubbies, Falling Sickness, The Gargoyles, Mustard Plug, The Fanatics, Misery, Slap Shot, D.I., the Vandals, Sick of It All, Gas Huffer, The Fumes, The Ricketts, The Vibrators, Ice Burn, Buzz Oven, The Oblivions, Jack-o-Fire, Seven Year Bitch, Tit Wrenc , Catharthis, Gomez, The Tards, The Neighbors, Larry Brrrds, The Red Ants, Guilt, The Dils, Fabric, The Mormons, A.P.P.L.E.S., The Victims of the System, Victem's Family, Forlorn, Dryfus, Clawhammer, Blindfold, Deisel Queens, Siren, PinHead Gunpowder, Man Or Astroman?, Slant 6, Filth.


Saturday, March 28, 2009

Cocaine: Is it for you?

Cocaine is an iffy topic. Some people are against it, others are fine with it, and a select few are obsessed. In the end, though, cocaine undoubtedly makes you twice as hip and disgustingly alt, no matter who you are (sXe bros excluded). So, you ask, why doesn't everyone do it? Well, there are several things that veer people off the crystal path that is a cocaine habbit- making cocaine not for them. So, is cocaine for you?

1) Do you care?

This is the first question that needs to be asked before doing cocaine. You may know that cocaine is illegal, and not necessarily healthy, but do you give a shit?

2) Are you a fucking pussy?

Cocaine gives off an alt, rule breaking, elitest, and better-than-you persona. If you are a fucking pussy, this can never be achieved, and thus doing cocaine will benefit you nigh.

3) Do you hate everybody?

Although a majority of this world are plebians, not everyone on this earth is a peasant. Cocaine will rile up your social senses and make you want to converse. If you go in nose first with a goth-fag persona not wanting to talk to anyone, you'll find yourself trapped in a shell that is trying to suffocate your life- but if you latch on to the nearest hipster for a conversation, life is going to be fucking exciting.

Did you answer No to all of these questions? If so, Cocaine is definitely for you! Congrats!

Existentialism is the Ultimatum,

Second altest Bible verse

Friday, March 27, 2009

The altest Bible verse

Girls who turn their head for pictures Vol. 1

There is a strange phenomena, that is girls who tilt their head in every picture.

*deep breath*

Part I

PS yes I do realize this is a huge invasion of privacy, but I'm too fucking alt to give a FACK

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Alt band is Alt

Sweedish Noise-rock. She`s paid to fuck you.

The Ergs! - Dorkrockcorkrod

Well they're geeks. And they make pop-punk music. About stuff. The AltestBro kinda dug, y'erd?

AltestBro the last surviving dolphin

Street Meat

I was walking down the streets of The Big City, Canada, when I came across the altest hot dog vendor in existence. Blaring from his stand was an Oberst track I have only heard once before (drinking with Fiest usually unlocks some secrets) and his cigarettes were clearly from the deep east. Approaching him, he noticed that I was an Altbro he could confide in. He began to tell me a story:

I haven't been touched in a deep emotional way such as this since I first touched base with acousticore. I was awestruck. I didn't buy anything and left, later finding that the ALTVendor killed himself shortly after our meeting.


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Trap Them - Seizures In Barren Praise

I'm so alt.

AltestBro the god of the sky


“River dolphins are now facing extinction due to habitat loss, hunting by humans, and naturally low numbers.”

Fucking GOOD, look at those idiots. Nobody of any worth doesn’t hate them; they’re the hoobastank of the animal world. Not only are these idiots PINK and SLIMY, they also don’t really have eyes, well they do but skin grows over them and they can’t see with them. Also they kill fish by shooting sound at them and stunning them, and then catching them with that tumor they call a face. In a traditional Amazon River myth FACT, at night an Amazon River Dolphin becomes a handsome young man who seduces girls, impregnates them, then returns to the river in the morning to become an Amazon River Dolphin again. WE NEED TO STOP THIS.




altestbro the cool

Charles Bronson - Everything

Heres everything by powerviolance aficionados Charles Bronson. X the fuck up.

1000 Travels Of Jawaharlal - Owari Wa Konai

Provide me with the mush.

altestbro idiot

Adonis Battlefield - 7"


altestbro i don't care

Kickball - ABCDEFGHIJKickball

I am the Pope.


please inform the captain this is a hijack - s/t



Monday, March 23, 2009

Socrates View of the World of the Dialectic, and how Socrates made friends.

The interior angles of a triangle always add up to 180º.


Well, here's proof.

Call me.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Ladies - They Mean Us

Imagine that cover art recreated sonically.
Here is a simple mathimatical formula for the band:
Altness of singer/guitarist/songwriter + Skill of drummer= worth of band
A=Rob Crow (of Thingy, Pinback, Heavy Vegitable, etc.)+B
Alt as fuck+Zach Hill > Every other drummer= Y

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Bridging Alternatives

Alter Bridge, featuring former guitarist of Creed, fucking RAWKS! (that's "rocks" for those who do not know Altspeak).

Though not as Alt as Altest Bridge, they were in fact the second Alt band to bridge.  The first being Alt Bridge.

The bridges featured in Alter Bridge's songs are far more alt than Alt Bridge's bridges, but also less alt than the bridges of Altest Bridge, which happen to be really fucking alt bridges unlike Alt Bridge's and Alter Bridge's bridges.

Limewire this shit.


A video speaks 4 words: "WHAT A FUCKING _ _ _ _ _ _ !"

Alt styles in Iran

After traveling all of the altest middle America, I decided to go to the next altest country in the world. Iran, land of the hipsters. It wasn't long before I realized how out classed I truely was. After an important indie figure in central Iran demeaned Obama for a couple hours, he began to dance fiercly to some hip Iranian indie. I quickly picked up the demo he was so vehemently romping to, the got the fuck out of there. I'm never going back.

You can find the track I was exposed to in my short time down there HERE.

Hate the weak,

This Minute's Thought: Image cutting


Today's Thought: I'm not buying any more clothes

Due to my recent obsession with my car, I will no longer be spending money on useless expensive clothes.

As an alternative I will be spending $600 on wheels, $900 on a trunk lid, and probably $2000 on tires, and $2000 an exhaust + installation... in order to make my car into this car:

status of things


yo thats ironic man good job

Friday, March 20, 2009

how hipsters converse

good band down load

Mediafire Upload

The Mae Shi - Hllyh

Stop being stupid and listen to this band

Sometimes you just have to ask yourself...

What's more important?  The bread, or the butter?

Peace and Blessed be,

Alter Boi

Do you ever feel like you're looking into a mirror upon examining fine art?

Was examining some early neanderthal paintings today, specifically Pieter Bruegel's.

Was hit with a very serious and life-changing thought.
It all happened upon viewing Bruegel's "Landscape with the Fall of Icarus"

Started to feel like I could relate. Like I was lookin at the world thru Icarus' eyes. Bit of an existential crisis there. Started to feel as if my life was meaningless.
Poor Lil Icarus there drownin.
Nobody even bats an eye.. a true ode to the cruel indifference of humanity. Bet you guys can't even find Icarus in the painting. None of you care about the suffering of your brothers. Shame on you suburbanites.
Goin through a mental crisis here... need help asap.
Beginning to feel as if Icarus is the only one who I can relate to anymore in the world
Maybe I should start setting my goals lower
Being less ambitious.

I don't wanna fly too close to the sun.

The White Octave - Style No. 6312

Steve Pedersen of Cursive/Criteria. Awesome "indielol" band. Just basically has that Saddle Creek sound to it.


1. "Appeals for Insertion" - (3:08)
2. "Crashing the Clarion" - (2:25)
3. "Devise Executes" - (3:46)
4. "Etc." - (0:57)
5. "Call the Kiss" - (4:54)
6. "Piss and Vinegar" - (2:29)
7. "Adult Entertainment" - (2:29)
8. "Crossing the Rubicon" - (3:34)
9. "No Resolution Theory" - (3:59)
10. "This is Not a Subsistence Existence" - (0:48)
11. "South" - (3:08)
12. "Guts and Black Stuff" - (1:55)
13. "Style No. 6312" - (5:54)

Hyrax review

This is the first instalment of Chainsawgirl22’s animal reviews, and in true altbro spirit, only the most obscure and artisticly genuine of animals will do.

Believe it or fucking not, that retard/guinea pig pictured above is actually one of the closest living relatives to the elephant. Those teeth you can see? Those are the equivalent of tusks. And their molars are reminiscent of that of elephants as well. Hyraxes live in herds of up to 80 individuals. These herds are subdivided into smaller flocks consisting of a few families and headed by an adult male (the way god intended). Hyraxes spend most of their time resting in large huddles or basking alone Xing the fuck up. They’re actually all over Africa, as can be seen here:

The best part? They have naturally evolved suction cups on there feet. The soles of there feet are these fleshy pads, kept moist with sweat. They can control the concavity of these pads with complex musculature on each foot. If this is true, then would it be out of the question to assume that ELEPHANTS HAVE THIS TOO. Look how flat there feet are, they could easily have suction cups on those honkers. Elephants may indeed have the ability to scale walls, like a gecko.

Now, how can we unlock this power? In the inevitable twilight of technology we’re going to face, elephants will once again be pivotal in warfare. Knowing how to scale castle walls with them could, and will, prove useful. We should start research now.

This Town Needs Guns - Animals

Awesome math-rock band, Wes I hope you have a boner for this one.


1. Chinchilla
2. Baboon
3. Lemur
4. Badger
5. Quetzal
6. Panda
7. Elk
8. Pig
9. Gibbon
10. Dog
11. Crocodile
12. Rabbit
13. Zebra

The most alternative friendly season?

Saw the Spring celebration Google logo today.

Not too impressed.

Got me thinking though, what could the most alternative season be?
Winter lets you layer the most individualistic, statement-making clothing
Yet the warm breeze of summer allows for tattoo and chest-hair exposure via deep V-neck.

Not sure what to think about all the pros and cons.
Maybe spring provides a healthy median?
Starting to rly look forward to this first day or spring.
Going to go put my individuality on display via wardrobe.

Buy a 6-pack of you-know-who and get back to remastering Joy Division's Peel Sessions
See you guys. Good luck in this spring, may it break the shackles of suburban oppression.
Love you all.


I'm sick of all these people crying about the economy. If you are so afraid, just get a cooler job and try bringing in 700k a year. Stop worrying about the so-called "poor people". Lets just get together in a civilized manner, and move on. You know?

Blood for Oil,

Teenage Cool Kids

Live In Your House!

Teenage Col Kids are an indie band. That sentence tells you enough. You just KNOW that these guys spent all of there time dirking PBR, 40’s, smoking spirits and being in long distance relationships with girls who write for punk zines. You just KNOW. And judging by the bands last fm account for what is listened to on road trips (alt trips), they mostly ear-peep the likes of powerviolence legends, the capitalist casualties, as well as twee pop legends Tullycraft. But they sound like Built to Spill and Pavement for people too alt for Built to Spill and Pavement. Well, maybe not pavement. This is their first demo.

ShoutBox + Our ads.

Alright so I added a shoutbox, abuse it all you want. Also, ANTON, GOOGLE KNOWS ABOUT YOU!! "CURE FOR NARCISSISM" "LIVING WITH A NARCISSIST?"

Something That Aches, Relieved.

When you smoke as much as I do, you meet people.

The other day (Time... it isn't for me) I was reaching in the pocket of my old pea coat for my Russian Styles and matches outside the bank with a look of clear anxiety on my face.

I've been feeling out of place with music, lacking in some form. Able only to listen to the same cassettes over and over. It was the first time I had gone outside my place without a source for music in years. These harrowing thoughts were preoccupying my mind entirely.

I was fucked.

As I struck a match from the standard Osiris Bar match box, I hear a vaguely familiar voice approaching me, asking for a smoke. I looked up to see Karasawa, an Indie Obsession in Tokyo.

After supplying the man with an R.Styles and a match, he began to tell me about his new project, Cosmic Airplane. "The painful Japanese poetry a naive vocal develops in the indie melody line I feel like humming unconsciously. A space-like synthesizer lends gaiety to a twin guitar and a female chorus, and a powerful drum fascinates the manly spirit. The neo-sensualism indie band coming into action centering on Shimo-kitazawa in Tokyo" he muttered in broken English.

Suddenly it was clear. My lust for exploration within the sensitive world of music could easily be satisfied with Karasawa's debonair project.

He provided me with a cassette, and the track, although hastily recorded, is fucking brilliant. I highly suggest a listen.

I've uploaded it here.

War never changes,

Thursday, March 19, 2009

And may I present... "Dfat" Kawtiash

So, what does it take to truly be an AltBro? This question has plagued the western world for a few months now, and it really boils down to those who "have" it and those you don't "have" it. To quote one of the most recent and famous AltBros, "Dfat" Kawtiash, "One does not simply ALT into Mordor!"

Above is Dfat himself, in all his AltBro glory. It takes a certain kind of SWAGGER and a certain mind set to pull off AltBro, and I took the time to sit down with Dfat himself to get to the bottom of it.

AltestBro: Hello, Dfat.
Dfat: Hey man...
AltestBro: So, tell me, do you associate yourself with the AltBro label?
Dfat: Naw mayne, that shits weak. Next question I gotta be somewhere, man.
AltestBro: Ah, okay. Hold on as I find some of the more important questions... Oh, here we go. How far would a true AltBro go with the elusive Hyrax?
Dfat: Man like, hand down shirt but thats it, I gotta keep up appearances, nawmeen.
AltestBro: N- Yeah I guess. Well, HEY COME BACK HERE WITH MY POKEMON.

AltestBro here, I should have known this would happen. Dfat is quoted to have said "eating all your pokemons muahahahahaha" is one of his favorite hobbies. Oh well, until I catch him next time coming from a wood chopping competition or something, we'll never know what his secrets really are.

Peace from da east

Dear Blog, How many Hail Marys?


I have a serious confession to make to you tonight.
Today I stole a necklace from a prominent retail store.
Not sure what to do about this.
Feeling really bad about myself.
Not sure if I can deal with the burdon of guilt.

Thinking about attending church every Saturday until my kids get married.
Will my sins be forgiven then?
Just wanna say my Hail Marys and be over with it.
If only passage into
Was so simple.
What should I do? Just want to be forgiven for my sins. Love my fellow man. Please help.

Second Story Window - S/T LP

Yeah this band doesn't even... have a picture. "Emo" band from 93-95. Pretty good AYOO.


1. Big eyed blue
2. New york loop
3. 86 submunitions
4. unfinished
5. hypothalemus
6. circus act
7. targeting precision
8. executive realignment
9. sophisticated engineering

Impaled Northern Moonforest - S/T

So yeah, just thought I'd post an album that speaks to me real quick. An acoustic black metal duo with some serious talent and a knack for making the crowd cry during live performances.

Tracklist :
"Grim And Frostbitten Moongoats Of The North"
"Forlorned Invocations Of Blasphemous Congregations Of Lusting Goat Sodomizing Sathanis"
"Gazing At The Blasphemous Moon While Perched Atop A Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Forsaken Crest Of The Northern Mountain"
"Bloodlustfully Praising Satan's Unholy Almightiness In The Woods At Midnight"
"Nocturnal Cauldrons Aflame Amidst The Northern Hellwitch's Perpetual Blasphemy"
"Transfixing The Forbidden Blasphemous Incantation Of The Conjuring Wintergoat"
"Masturbating On The Unholy Inverted Tracks Of The Grim & Frostbitten Necrobobsledders"
"Awaiting The Blasphemous Abomination Of The Necroyeti While Sailing On The Northernmost Fjord Of Xzfgiiizmtsath"
"Lustfully Worshipping The Inverted Moongoat While Skiing Down The Inverted Necromountain Of Necrodeathmortum"
"Awaiting The Frozen Blasphemy Of The Necroyeti's Lusting Necrobation Upon The Altar Of Voxrfszzzisnzf"
"Summoning The Unholy Frozen Winterdemons To The Grimmest And Most Frostbitten Inverted Forest Of Abazagorath"
"Entranced By The Northern Impaled Necrowizard's Blasphemous Incantation Amidst The Agonizing Abomination Of The Lusting Necrocorpse"
"Grim And Frostbitten Gay Bar"

What happened?

The following is the Google Trends result for searches in “Anal fisting”.

What the fuck happened in 2006? I set out to learn more, and found that Wikipedia had this wisdom to offer:

Fisting is a sexual activity that involves inserting a hand into the vagina or rectum. Typically, fisting does not involve forcing the clenched fist into the vagina or rectum. Instead, all five fingers are kept straight and held as close together as possible (forming a beak-like shape, casually referred to as a "silent duck"), then slowly inserted into a well-lubricated vagina or rectum. Once insertion is complete, the fingers either naturally clench into a fist or remain straight. In more vigorous forms of fisting, such as "punching," a fully clenched fist may be inserted and withdrawn slowly. Fistees who are more experienced may take two fists (double-fisting) in the vagina or rectum. In the case of double-fisting, pleasure is derived more from the stretching of the anus or vaginal wall rather than from the thrusting (in-and-out) movement of hands.

Fisting has been performed on (and by) both men and women; gay, straight and otherwise. While fisting remains unexplored by many people, the ones who do have developed three main techniques: Silent Duck, Double Fist/Side Prayer, and the My Hand In Your Pockets.[citation needed] (aka, fuck you guy who wrote this)

The Silent Duck is the technique most often used, where the person engaging in hand insertion makes a beak-like shape with their hand resembling a duck. Double Fist/Side Prayer is a very advanced technique which only few are capable of achieving. The person engaging in hand insertion (the fister) places their hands palm to palm forming a position similar to one used when praying. Handler then turns theirs parallel to the floor, pointing fingers towards subject's vagina or anus.

But the question remains, what happened in 2006?

New Stop Sign at Spruce & Belvenia

"Nothing can stop me now, cause I don't care anymore," said Trent Reznor before he realized a new stop sign was added to Spruce Avenue at Belvenia. "I stopped at Shoreacres thinking I wouldn't need to stop again 'til Strathcona, boy was I surprised!" he said later in an interview with the Halton Regional Police.

Reznor was subsequently imprisoned for supposedly calling the officers "fucking pigs", and telling them to "march" when they refused to let him off with a warning.